jerked off
and washed off my godhood
a dirty silver dream
counterclockwise down the drain
I will never be the same
I will never be the same, but it's all right
as my blurred reflection rides
the dirty silver waves
the glitter of divinity
still caked around my eyes

I kept the Sabbath day
so holy, holy, holy
wholly unprepared for stories
I'd be telling seven days from then
the hero, an American
with a noose made out of loose ends

you told me you were pregnant
right before my ritual
before that dirty silver mirror
flecked with pus, blood, and tears
following the sunspots
borrowing the sun god's face
its blurred reflection clears
and rides the dirty silver waves
across the sea of tranquility

it was a moment of power
and although the full moon
never came from behind the clouds that night
that day I came from behind my hair
and helped myself surrender
fall apart
and smile.

maybe I'm still young enough
to pretend that I will live forever
or maybe I'm just old enough
to finally make it real

I was tested
and though it took me twenty revolutions to decide
between my destiny and pride
within two hours, I was playing with magick
a newborn adorned with a blue belt
a sorcerer barefoot in the forest
shuffling a deck of cards
just like old times

back when Gambit was my hero
and MacGyver taught me chemistry
I'm part cartoon, part horror movie
but I'm all man, baby
I'm all man

I'll sign your hand
even if my string or my voice breaks
you'll eventually watch me stand
in the strobelight, in the sunlight
on the concrete, on the sand
wherever I may suffer the wound
to never forget that our pain is self-chosen
and sometimes it hurts more to leave it behind

it was a meaningful goodbye
serene, sincere, concise
but that doesn't mean I'll miss you any less