I lost the past twenty years
tossing, turning and sighing
trying to squeeze blood from a stone
my stranglehold
slowly slicing into my hand
points and ridges, through seams and stitches
biting down and opening up my flesh
like bricks for building bridges
arching over everflowing rivers of red

I followed the streams to their end
until the end
justified the means
until my head was dripping with dreams
and kleenex soaked in nosebleeds
soaked from brok en arteries
and veins
open capillaries
painting across tissue paper
painting platelets / plasma / pain
//// and four slashes on my forearm
                           from a Razor with a name

if the simplest explanation is usually the correct one,
then I was probably just afraid
to die.

the blood is the life, they'd say
corn syrup and communion wine
I'd pray
for immortality
absolve my sins and save me!
I've heard too many saviors singing
"No one knows the Father unless he goes through me."

and I believed, oh I believed
and yes, belief imparts reality
so armed with my beliefs
I marched
through churches, schools, and jails
as weak as lambs to slaughter
offered up in sacrifice
and nailed
AND NAILED to someone else's cross
a martyr waiting for a cause
to die

this was a work of writer's block
blood clots and stopped up noses
I'd forgotten
oh, but when the words came flowing through
like fluids from a wound
that I've borne upon my brow
the crown of thorns I've worn for you
I found the truth
a spear that pierced me through and through

my Father had forsaken me
making me break bread
and take a covenant with you
instead of knowing Him directly
only knowing Him through you
His many sons

I drank your blood
another zealot getting drunk
on the illusions of reunion
the hottest of pursuit, spots filled my eyes
spilling light across the promises of everlasting youth.

another lie
I opened wide and swallowed whole.
although I knew
at least some semblance of the truth
I couldn't know
that when I turned to face my Father
when I returned to somewhere further from me
than the miles and time it took
to leave it all behind
and look behind me;

He'd Say My Name.
The Blood That Flows Inside Our Veins
Is The Same
Is The Same