an American nightmare

this pain is unbearable I just want to rip off my jaw and start again I can’t talk or eat I can’t smile or sleep for more than an hour at a time I need my drugs my panacea to keep me sedated and sated I hate this. this is me at my most masochistic. my teeth were all twisted up, my gums are in stitches now and the blood from my sinuses flows through my guts. it isn’t just physical, this is my spiritual status.  so clogged up. this blockage was what I wanted excised, but the surrounding tissue swelled up and defied my genuine wish. break through this dam, break through this like a riptide, like a river like the red tide pouring forth, delivered from the delta, from the shore the words of war, virgins and whores paint themselves across my screen I’ve seen scene after scene of unimaginable beauty trashing itself and tearing itself apart at the seams. how could you do this to yourself? please do it to yourself with me and me alone we can set each other free. I can only watch you three minutes at a time. you precious cherry, swollen peach you’re the fantasy the Shadow tears himself apart for, tries to reach and keep his head above water. you were the daughter of a terrible father and the American machine redeems you and leads you like lambs to the slaughter. and I watch you, entranced this neo-romantic moment of isolation and I watch you, a little watch ticking in the corner of this electric keyhole, this peepshow showing me how much you can take. the pain must be unbearable as he tries to rip your jaw off and start again you don’t talk or eat or smile do you sleep for more than an hour at time? you need the drugs the panacea that gets you through the night without a nightmare without a fight.