in the land of seven letters
i tried to ride a comet
through the fickle, unpredictable weather of heaven
through those solar storms
the divided mind of a Gemini sky
the bitter warmth of the devil whipping his wife

she stood there
with her disheveled hair
and severed tendons
clinging tightly to the butcher knife
hiding in her right hand
deciding between sunshine and lightning
and slicing
and slashing and
asking what's left to do
asking if the left knows what the other's done
first one,
then two gashes
splashing the violent color of love
all over the kitchen floor

And then time stopped.

Alarms went off.

and when I opened the door
out tumbled my jumbled thoughts, bungled plots
and butter-colored rocks fumbled
with droplets of hot well water pouring
and spilling
and filling up the highest tide
pulled by the dark side of the spoon
my bloodshot eyes
hopelessly wide open
rolling back and
building up this brand new residue
like a sticky burning halo
thick around the glue-white moonrise in the bruise-black June skies of Indiana.

I want you to hit me as hard as you can
am I a man yet?
am I?
or just another skinny Indian boy
sitting in the sunlight
slowly burying my toys
tongue-tied and silent
my Etch-a-sketch, my Lite-Brite
my Rubik's Cube and Highlights magazines
the muddled memories that stretch me thin
I stretch
a skeleton wrapped up in supple skin
my ribs expand and bend
I'm breathing in
i'm breathing in

I'll hold it in until I choke
from choking back my laughter
after flashing cries of pain
the blinding smoke
from a million cigarettes
hopeless and insane
from riding rails of coke
and fighting failed attempts to fix these broken parts
to reopen the scars
that sealed my heart shut

I feel all right
although I fall apart
every time I see you

I'm leaving soon
driving down to Dallas
peeling out the driveway
screaming like a speed-demon
possessed by the highway
obsessed with going faster
to watch the past disappear
receding in my rear-view mirror

there were clear skies
through the summer up here
but another autumn's coming
another storm starts to gather
I wrote a riddle for myself
and forgot the goddamn answer
I wrote a joke
and fucked up the punchline
every time I tried to tell it
I swear
to hell with it
I'd rather just forget the horrible moment by moment collapse of everything I knew

my Father's house has many rooms
but not enough to wander through
forever
without having to
start over

in His basement I was parting water
in His bathroom I was bending spoons
in His backyard I was breaking boards
and losing my cool
faking and fooling myself into taking myself seriously
like we're one big happy family
but mommy's on meth, and daddy's doing crack
I like the psychedelics and my sissy likes the triple stacks
the simple fact of the matter is that
accidents happen
they do.
for example: my love for you was an accident
we never had an anniversary
just a four-car pileup on I-35
I'm surprised I survived
my constant, ignorant efforts to recreate
His mistake
a six-year old freshly awake on Father's Day
when the cops arrived
and took Him away in handcuffs

And then time stopped.

Alarms went off.

and when I opened the door
the road I walked was rough,
the journey slow.
I know the only way
OUT
of the maze
I've built
the better mousetrap filled with tricks and holes
the whipping post
the devil chained his wife to
the one way
OUT
of the maze
I've built
is through.

cause mommy filed for bankruptcy and daddy's getting sick
I think I'm going crazy, sissy's boyfriend is a dick
and I'm sick to fucking death
of this slapstick circus sideshow
the pretty lights, the shitty dialogue
the city limits sign that keeps me from leaving town
chained to that whipping post
seeing stars and black holes
without ever looking up

I saw straight down
to hell
when the blood-red galaxy exploded on the white tile
and my cocaine constellations spangled several hundred miles
from here to there
the drug-myth
I came up with
Orion's sick little secret
when the big scary monster gets hungry
I feed it my reasons for living

why
why
can I
not
dis con nect
the dots

in the land of seven letters
i tried to ride a comet
shooting up through the sky
tracing lines of stardust
a lifetime made of cars crushed
and farfetched stories
the headrush pouring through my mind
like the glory and decline
of heroes and civilizations

it's time
to go
I wanted you to know
that you've meant something to me

so now you know
so now I'll leave
now I'll leave